Calgary

Calgary has a tower. I went up in it.

Then I wandered around downtown a bit.

That was pretty much the extent of my sightseeing in Calgary. I spent most of the day in my hotel room on the phone with different Canadian government people, trying to figure out how to submit a Covid test that was apparently required two days earlier.

The border guard had given me a home test when I entered Canada, but he didn’t tell me that it was a required test, and neither did the paperwork with the test, so I put it in my bag and forgot about it. Two days later I got an email reminding me that I could be fined if I didn’t submit the test by the next day.

The Travel Canada people said to call the testing company, LifePlan. LifePlan is in BC, but not in Alberta, and suggested submitting a Change of Travel Plans document accessible from the ArriveCan site. That document was unavailable due to a DNS error. I called ArriveCan and got someone who couldn’t help me because he didn’t have access to the necessary information. He explained that he was an “addition” who was only there to help out during peak hours. I don’t know how he could help out if he didn’t have access to anything, but I called back and got a different person who suggested that I keep trying the online form.

To sum up: submitting the test was required, but was also impossible. The only way to address the situation was by submitting a form that was unavailable.

So I went to dinner. Prairie Dog Brewing, contrary to their signage, does not serve barbecued prairie dog, so I had cow instead.

Kelowna to Calgary

The road north from Kelowna is rich with lakes—Ellison Lake, Wood Lake, Kalamalka Lake, Swan Lake—it’s truly lake country. In fact, there’s a town called Lake Country, which seems a little presumptuous, but I guess they got in first with the name choices.

The lakes are probably full of Ogopogos, but I didn’t have any bait with me, so I couldn’t catch one.

That’s okay, though, because it gave me some extra time to stop at the Log Barn in Armstrong, which looks like this.

It was built in 1912, which is probably why there are still dinosaurs there.

I bought some cherries, which were quite good. I can heartily recommend the Log Barn in Armstrong, BC both for cherries and for goat viewing.

Banffff

Note prairie dog at lower right.

Kelowna

The Kelowna waterfront is touristy but nice. The lake is beautiful and sparkly. Beyond the waterfront the downtown is old and beat-up, but interspersed with high-rise condos and older buildings repurposed into restaurants and brewpubs, all of which looks very new. There are a fair number of small old houses for sale as teardowns.

And there’s a curling club, which I believe is some sort of national requirement.

Alcalde was right about the saison at the Red Bird brewery. It’s not too tart the way some of them are. I’ve had four or five saisons in my life, so I think I’m something of an expert.

Saison and pizza that you cut with scissors

I’m staying in the Hotel Zed on the waterfront, which is a ridiculously fun, unpretentious hotel that looks damn good on your Instagram, it says here. They’ve basically taken an old motel and fixed it up with flashy, retro decor. They have rotary phones in the rooms, plus instructions on how to use them. I don’t have an Instagram account, so I’ll have to put the pictures here.

When I arrived on Sunday afternoon, it was sunny and hot and there were pscrillions of tourists. On Monday morning it was a lot cooler and there was hardly anyone around except for the street people. I promenaded on the promenade and bought an Ogopogo sweatshirt.

There are surprisingly few Ogopogo-themed items for sale. Even Ogopogo Giftland had only two choices. Shockingly, the visitor’s centre had nothing on the Ogopogo at all! It was as if he doesn’t even exist!

Canada, Baby!

Mysteries of Canada

Lately I’ve been hearing rumors of a place called “Canada” that is technically a completely different country. Best of all, it’s right next to Washington!

What wonders does it hold in store for me?

Old South Meeting House

Mapparium

For my final experience of Major Fun on this trip, I visited the Mapparium at the Mary Baker Eddy Library in the Christian Science Publishing Society building, which is part of the sprawling Christian Science Center not far from Fenway Park.

The Publishing Society building is a great example of the economic clout of publishing in the 1930s, with grand marble-floored entryways and globe lamps that function as a clock and a calendar.

The actual publishing is done elsewhere now, and the first floor of the building is given over to a presentation of the life of Mary Baker Eddy, with interactive video displays and films and inspirational quotes.

The Mapparium itself is a giant stained-glass globe, with countries and borders as of 1935. The globe is inverted, so the layout appears normal from the inside. The globe was restored and enhanced in 2002, but they kept the original 1935 layout, which is good, because how else could you see Chosen, French Indochina, and Königsberg?

There’s dramatic audio about how seeing the world unifies us or something, but it doesn’t really add anything. The globe is really very impressive on its own. Unfortunately photos weren’t allowed, due to “copyright issues,” which I’m starting to suspect is just an excuse.

I tried to take a photo on the sly, but it didn’t turn out well. You can see better photos here.

Mark Twain wrote quite a bit about Christian Science, although I didn’t see any of his writings in the Library. They must be in one of the rooms I missed.

Boston

I arrived in Boston to find out that my Airbnb room wasn’t ready. Workmen were glazing the bathtub (or something like that) and it wouldn’t be done until the next morning, but they had another room for me that night in the same building. The room was considerably smaller but no big deal for one night.

The next morning the workmen still weren’t done. After a lot of messaging back and forth, they finally left the keys for me at the pizza parlor in the same building. I dropped off the other keys in the Keycafe about a half mile away.

The new room—the one I originally rented—was perfectly positioned to be the noisiest room in the building. The pizza parlor seems to be a gathering place, and when it closes at 2:00 AM, people stand on the sidewalk in front of it for another hour or so talking as loudly as possible. The same for the two adjacent bars. Also, everyone in Boston honks their horns at all times to indicate displeasure with what everyone else is doing, or possibly just for the sheer love of honking.

The room was in a good central location, though, about a block from Boston Common. It’s a beautiful park, dating to 1634, and the only park I’ve ever seen with a cemetery in it.

The adjacent Boston Public Garden dates to 1837 and is even beautifuler.

I also followed the Freedom Trail, which starts at Boston Common. It’s a relatively short path that contains significant sites of the colonial and revolutionary periods, including the Old State House, Old South Meeting House, and Granary Burying Ground (where Sam Adams and Paul Revere are buried). Colonial and revolutionary sites are most of what I wanted to see in Boston, so it was thoughtful of Boston to locate them near my Airbnb.

And Roadside America sights there were a-plenty, including a teapot from 1873, a plaque commemorating the creation of the gerrymander, an ether monument, and an Irish famine statue.

Salem

Salem was a whole lot cheesier than I expected. Lots of tarot reading and chakra balancing and stores with names like Coven’s Cottage. Even the panhandlers know how to market themselves.

The more historical spots were still attractions, and more focused on presentation. I almost went to the Salem Witch Museum, but you have to buy tickets in advance, so I wouldn’t have been able to get in right away.

But at least I got to see the Bewitched statue.